


Who would care?

by ChooseYourOwnFuture



Category: bts focused only, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Depressed Park Jimin, Eating Disorders, Fanfiction, Gambling, Hurt Park Jimin, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Other, Park Jimin-centric, Sad Park Jimin, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Unhealthy Relationships, Will add more tags later as well as characters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-23
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-01-04 15:15:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12171444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChooseYourOwnFuture/pseuds/ChooseYourOwnFuture
Summary: Taehyung finds Jimin self harming and the group tries to help him.I suck at summaries.-POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING-





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> -POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taehyung find Jimin self harming and tries to help him.  
> -POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARING-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING-

_Useless!_

Jimin thought as he once again messed the choreography up. Everyone else was amazing, like always. He was rubbish, like always.

They must be getting annoyed with him by now, why wouldn't they?

_Failure!_

His mind kept spitting insults at him, but that's okay because it's true after all. At least that's what he thought.

He was exhausted, mentally and physically.

He heard Yoongi sign next to him after they had to stop rehearsing again.

"We'll try again tomorrow," the choreographer sighed while rubbing his temple, "Go home."

The group collected their bags, bowed to the choreographer and headed tot eh van to take them to their dorm.

"You're just tired," Taehyung said once they where in the van, "Just get some rest and you'll be back to normal." Taehyung smiled; Jimin returned it with fake one.

_Normal?_

Jimin thought about what it must feel like to be normal, this was normal for him Taehyung was simple seeing his reality. He wasn't good enough and always messed things up. While the others were flawless in everything they did, he wasn't.

Jimin retreated into his head, his head full of judgement and criticism as he picked apart everything that wasn't perfect about him.

He was so lost in thought that he hadn't noticed the group of idols filing out of the van until Taehyung tapped his sholder.

"Are you okay?" He asked with a concerned glint in his eyes.

"Yes," he answered nodding his head and following the dongsang out of the van.

Everybody parted ways once they entered the dorm, Jimin chose to go to the bedroom he shared with Taehyung to be alone since his roommate was watching television.

He picked his phone up and went on Twitter where he found some positive, but mostly negative comments about him.

He's heard them all before, he thinks them all the time; he still reads them though.

A sweet aroma starts to fill the room and he knows that Seokjin was cooking something delicious like usual. Jimin's stomach started to growl as he remembered that he hadn't eaten anything for two days. The food was tempting but as he saw another comment about his weight he quickly decided against eating whatever Seokjin was making even if he yearned for food.

A knock on the door snapped Jimin out of his thoughts about the food he wouldn't eat.

"Come in," Jimin said.

Yoongi walked into the room, which surprised the younger male.

"What's going on?" Yoongi asked the gray haired male.

Jimin furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

"You think that I don't notice you getting your choreography wrong? Or your lack of energy?" Yoongi asked as he closed the door, hoping to prevent anybody from listening in.

"I'm just tired," Jimin answered placing his phone down.

"And you skipping meals?"

"I'm just not hungry Yoongi-hyung," Jimin shrugged as if it was nothing. As if he wasn't starving himself again. Non of the members of the group seemed to notice him skipping meals but he was wrong.

"I don't recall the last time I saw you eat," Yoongi said, his expression nonchalant, cool and collected like always.

Jimin began to worry about what Yoongi was going to say next. He had noticed a lot of things, Yoongi was more observant than Jimin gave him credit for. This started to panic Jimin.

_What if he knows?_

"Um...," Jimin rubbed the back of his neck, "I don't like eating in front of people?" 

Jimin hoped that he could get away with that excuse, it was not meant to sound like a question but it was the best he could come up with.

Yoongi chose not to press the subject, instead he nodded and left the room.

"He believed me?" Jimin whispered to himself.

_Or maybe he doesn't care. Who would?_

He pulled his sleeves down subconsciously at that. But it was true, why would he care about Jimin. He always seemed cold towards him, okay he was cold towards everybody but it was out of character for him to care about anyone let alone Jimin. 

He stared down at the sleeves over his hands, hiding his scarred arms. He sighed as he felt the urge again.

He tried to stop, he really did but it was hard. Not many people would understand how hard it was to resist hurting himself. 

He sighed as he gave into temptation again, he got the blade out of his hiding spot and looked at it. 

_Would they care if I died?_

This wasn't the first time he had thoughts like these, the only thing stopping him from acting on them was if it didn't work. 

Tears started to trickle from his eyes as he lowered the blade.

_But what if it did work?_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -MAY TRIGGER-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -MAY TRIGGER-

"Dinner's ready, Seokjin hyung's made-," Taehyung's happy voice was cut short when he saw his best friend covered in blood with a blade in his hand, "ChimChim!" He shouted, loud enough for the others to hear.

Taehyung rushed over to his distraught best friend; pulling him into a hug.

"What's going on?" Namjoon asked but his eyes widened when he saw what Taehyung's shouting was about. Namjoon practically ran over to Jimin and examined his wounds. He found that they weren't deep enough to cause any damage but that didn't give him any relief.

"Jimin... why?" Taehyung asked, tears spilling out of his eyes.

Jimin didn't answer, all he did was let his tears fall. His best friend quickly pulled him into a hug.

"I think you need stitches," Namjoon said.

"What? No! People will know then, nobody can know," Jimin said quickly, wincing at the pain coming from his arms as he reached out towards the elder.

"This is serious," Namjoon said, "What if you went too deep? You could die!"

Jimin looked down at his arms.

"You're not trying to kill yourself are you?" Taehyung asked, when he met Jimin's eyes he knew the answer.

"We need to tell someone," Namjoon said from where he was standing in the doorway.

"No," Jimin pleaded.

"He's right, you need help. Real help, you might need stitches as well."

"I don't need stitches Tae, I need you, both of you, not to tell anyone," Jimin said when both males looked like they wouldn't agree he added, "Please?"

"I'm sorry Jimin but we can't keep this a secret," Namjoon said with an apologetic smile he walked out of the door.

Jimin began to panic. He looked around the room searching for his rucksack. He needed to go before they could hate him even more than they already did, he was being irrational as he flung his closet doors open and tried to pile all of his clothes in his rucksack. He failed.

"What are you doing?" Taehyung asked, if it was any other situation he would be amused by his friends antics, but not today.

"I need to go," Jimin said.

"No you don't, and especially since you're still covered in blood," Taehyung pointed out.

Jimin looked at his arm and wondered what happened to the blade he had. He didn't remember where he put it.

"I don't think you need this anymore," Taehyung held up the piece of metal Jimin used to mark his skin.

"Tae..."

Before Jimin could get the blade off him Taehyung ran out of the room, heading for the bathroom. Jimin went after him, but was unable to fully chase him as he was held by a pair of arms. Jeongguk dragged him to the bathroom where Taehyung help the blade over the toilet.

"That won't make me stop!" Jimin shouted; he had other blades after all.

"Yes, I know, but it will mean there is one less sharp object in this dorm," Taehyung dropped the blade into the bowl, "Where are the others?"

"Others?" Jimin asked, acting like he didn't know what the taller male was talking about, when it was obvious.

"Blades."

"I don't have any," Jimin said.

"Liar," Yoongi said.

Jimin turned around wondering when he had entered the room. Yoongi held up an empty box of blades. Jimin sighed, cursing himself for not emptying the garbage can.

"I'll ask you again. Where are the others?" Taehyung said slowly looking Jimin in the eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -MAY TRIGGER-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -MAY TRIGGER-

"Tell me where they are," Seokjin said sternly, looking down at the younger who was seated on the couch.

Jimin remained silent.

"Fine," Seokjin looked at Taehyung, "Do you know where they are?"

Taehyung looked shocked, "Me? No! I didn't know he was hurting himself!"

"Let's just look for them," Yoongi said already making his way into Taehyung's and Jimin's shared bedroom.

Jimin became alert and sprung to his feet, following the elder and pleaded with him to stop.

"Tell me and I will stop," Yoongi said, his hand on the doorknob.

Jimin looked down, conflicted about what he should do. He could get more blades but now with the group knowing about his addiction, that would be impossible. 

He was so lost in thought that he didn't notice Yoongi entering his room and rooting through both his and Taehyung's belongings.

"Hey, they're mine!" Taehyung's voice brought Jimin back to reality, his eyes shot to Seokjin and Yoongi.

"He could have hidden them in your things, Tae," Seokjin said looking at the boy.

"I would know if he did that!"

"No you wouldn't," Yoongi stated as he showed a blade he found in Taehyung's possessions.

Taehyung gawped at the blade and quickly looked at his best friend, "How did you hide that there and I didn't know?"

"The same way he hid his cuts," Yoongi said, "Through practice."

"Tae, is this yours?" Seokjin asked pointing to something in a draw. Taehyung went over and shook his head.

The eldest in the room took what was in the draw and held it up.

Jimin gulped as he tried to come up with an explanation.

"It's...," Jimin started but he couldn't think of a good enough excuse for the bag of moldy food.

"Answer honestly," Yoongi ordered, "When was the last time you ate?" Yoongi was looking at the draw full of uneaten meals, he remembered most of them some where months old.

Months of hiding food, starving himself and hurting himself and nobody noticed, it made everybody feel horrendous. One of their best friends were hurting and they didn't even know.

Jimin signed, they already knew that he wasn't alright so what would be the point of lying?

"A few days ago," Jimin answered.

Worried expressions glanced over his frail looking body, only now did everyone realize that he lost weight. A lot of weight, he looked unhealthy as he stood their with his dull eyes and clothes which one fit him now were too big.

"Where are the blades ChimChim?" Taehyung asked softly, clearly noticing the change in Jimin's behavior, like he had given up all will power.

Jimin lazily flung his arms in the directions of the blades and the trio collected them and disposed of them in the toilet.

Jimin was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling with glazed over eyes. He didn't realize that he had been looking at the ceiling until Seokjin came into the room to collect the food. Jimin din't look at him, he didn't smile and wave as he felt disconnected from his body at this point he was barley registering what was happening as it felt like his brain was full of mush, he had a hard time keeping track of his wondering thoughts.

"We'll talk about this soon, just get some rest, okay?" Seokjin said.

Jimin didn't do anything, as Seokjin's voice felt far away, Jimin started to wonder if it was real, if any of this was real.

Seokjin sighed and walked out of the room, leaving Jimin by himself once again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -MAY TRIGGER-

"I...I just don't understand," Taehyung sobbed, face in his hands, "Why would he do that?"

"I don't know, Tae, but all we can do is support him," Seokjin said, pulling the younger into a hug.

"And help him to try and recover," Namjoon said, finishing Seokjin's sentence for him.

Everyone felt a tinge of guilt in their chest, all of them wondering if they had caused any of the scars, or new wounds that were now forever on the boy's skin.

"What if he doesn't want to?" Jeongguk asked.

Nobody fully understood why Jimin hurt himself, or if he would want to stop, but all they could do was hope with all their heart that he did want to recover.

Nobody answered the maknae since non of them knew what they would do.

Hoseok and Yoongi entered the room, exhausted from their searching.

"Did you find them?" Namjoon asked, referring to the blades. Hoseok and Yoongi had look everywhere for the blades, except Jimin's and Taehyung's bedroom.

"No," Hoseok answered, sliding into a seat next to Jeongguk, he noticed Taehyung's devastation and his frown increased.

Everybody looked at each other, silently asking for someone, anyone, to search Jimin's room.

"I'll do it," Yoongi announced, already making his way to the male's room.

Yoongi didn't bother to know and went straight into the room, closing the door behind him. He found Jimin lying on the bed, not moving but still breathing thankfully. Jimin's eyes were out of focus looking upwards. Yoongi sighed and walked over to the bed, he didn't say a word, non of them did. He climbed into the bed next to Jimin and looked at the ceiling as well.

"I'm not going to tell you where they are," Jimin whispered, it seemed like whispering took too much effort.

"I know," Yoongi said. Neither of them averted their eyes from the ceiling.

"Then why are you here?" Jimin asked after he gathered the energy to talk again.

"To keep you company."

And that was it. 

They stayed like that for what seemed like decades, until Jimin broke the silence.

"What's going to happen?"

"I don't know Jiminnie," Yoongi answered breaking eye contact with the ceiling and turning on his side, slowly Jimin also turned on his side so they were facing each other.

"Do you hate me?" Jimin suddenly asked out of the blue.

Yoongi took one of his hands and started run it up and down Jimin's sleeve covered arm. Jimin looked at the hand cautiously, but Yoongi made sure to gently move his hand to avoid causing the younger more pain.

"I could never hate you. Never," Yoongi reassured Jimin, making sure they locked eyes so Jimin knew how serious he was being.

"Don't lie to me" Jimin said, this made Yoongi frown.

"What?"

"I'm useless, I can't do anything right, you must hate me. You all do," he said breaking eye contact by stuffing his face in the pillow.

"Nobody hates you," Yoongi said, he moved to stroke Jimin's hair, trying to comfort him the best he could.

Jimin seemed to relax more, or he lost all of his energy.

"I want to stop."

Yoongi smiled.

"But when I tried before, I always end up where I started," Jimin said, Yoongi looked down at the younger's sleeves in understanding.

"You can't just stop overnight, it takes time. And you may have little slip ups but all that matters is that you're trying to get better," Yoongi said.

Jimin's expression became puzzled, "You seem to know a lot about this."

"I do," Yoongi said after a moments pause, Jimin looked at Yoongi.

Yoongi sighed once again and sat up, Jimin did the same. Yoongi pulled his long sleeves up, Jimin opened his mouth in shock. Yoongi's arms held faded, white lines, just like Jimin's the only difference was that Yoongi's were a few years old and there wasn't any new scar tissue.

"I know what it's like," Yoongi said tears pooling in both his and Jimin's eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -MAY TRIGGER-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -MAY TRIGGER-

"Why?" Jimin asked after looking at the scares for over a minuet. You could see that they were over a year old, but they were still visible. They always will be.

"I needed something to kind of... how do you say this? Something to take my mind of what was happening in my head, it's hard to focus on what's happening in your mind when you're hurting physically," Yoongi said, rolling down his sleeve while keeping eye contact with Jimin.

"I regretted it the moment after I did it, because after that physical pain had gone, my emotion pain was still there. It didn't stop anything, the pain was still there. The only difference was that now I had scars," Yoongi carried on.

Jimin broke the eye contact with the elder and looked down at his hands. 

"I didn't know this would happen," Jimin said.

Yoongi looked at the boy and covered his tiny hands with his much larger ones.

"It started out with just a cut, but I kept doing it more and more over time, until I was doing it everyday, like I needed it; I didn't. And you're right it didn't solve anything!" Jimin said, eyes snapping to Yoongi, "How did I not notice?"

Yoongi looked down at both of their sleeve covered arms, "We're both very good at hiding it, maybe we're just too good at it."

"I'm sorry," the younger sobbed, Yoongi saw that Jimin's eyes had become waterfalls and he pulled him to his chest.

"It's okay," Yoongi said, he wasn't quite sure what Jimin was apologizing for, but he just needed to calm the boy down.

"I'm so sorry for not noticing," Jimin said, "I'm sorry I'm a bad friend and a useless person."

"You're not useless and you're not a bad friend," Yoongi said as he rocked Jimin back and forth, hoping that he stopped crying soon.

He did eventually stop, but they hadn't disconnected from each other, Yoongi's arms were still wrapped around Jimin, with one hand stroking his hair and Jimin's head was still on Yoongi's chest, enjoying the sound of his heartbeat.

"Have you stopped?" Jimin asked.

"Yes," Yoongi answered honestly.

"How did you stop?"

"I distracted myself mostly, kept myself busy and I did this thing called the butterfly project, . It doesn't happen suddenly, it takes a lot of time," Yoongi said, "Do you know what the butterfly project is Minnie?"

Jimin shook his head.

"Do you want me to show you?" Yoongi asked.

"Yeah," he answered.

Yoongi reached over to the bedside table and grabbed the pen which was conveniently placed there.

"Give me your are and pull your sleeve up," Yoongi said as he pulled the lid off the pen.

Jimin looked at his with wide eyes.

"I won't judge Minnie," Yoongi said.

Jimin pulled his sleeve up and Yoongi began to draw butterflies on his arm, but only where there was no damaged skin.

"Now what?" Jimin asked, wondering if somehow the butterflies were suppose to come to life.

"Now you put names of people who you care about under them," Yoongi said, passing the pen to Jimin.

"Okay," Jimin said.

He began to write various names under each butterfly. Yoongi smiled when Jimin wrote his name under one.

"I've done," Jimin said, Yoongi nodded, took the pen back and clicked the lid on.

"Every time you want to hurt yourself I want you to look at these butterflies, and remember the people who you care about. They don't want you to hurt yourself, they want you to get better and love yourself. You're not allowed to scrub the butterflies off and if you do hurt yourself, all the butterflies die."

"Who would want to kill a butterfly?" Jimin asked looked down at the beautifully drawn butterflies.

"Do you want to kill a butterfly?" Yoongi asked.

"No," Jimin answered.

Yoongi smiled, "Then stay strong."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellllllllooooooooo!  
> ANOTHER CHAPTER!!! YAY!  
> (i don't know what to say and i don't want to be awkwark. but HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!! :| i'm going to go byeee :))


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -MAY TRIGGER-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -MAY TRIGGER-

"When did it start?" Seokjin asked.

They where all seated around the kitchen island, some of their eyes were on Jimin, others where looking elsewhere.

Jimin looked up at Seokjin, he knew that there was no point in lying anymore, "Three, maybe four year ago. I don't know exactly."

Jimin fiddled with the end of his sleeves.

Seokjin took a deep breath, "I know this must be hard for you but you need to get help."

Jimin nodded, "I know and I want to get better, not just for you guys but for me as well. I want to go back to feeling something... anything without having to hurt myself."

"Is that why you did it? To feel something?" Taehyung asked, eyes still bloodshot as he only stopped crying five muinets ago.

"You don't have to answer anything you don't want to," Yoongi reassured Jimin. They looked at each other and smiled.

"It's okay," he said and then turned to his best friend, "It's a mixture of things really," he said honestly, "I can't really pin-point one reason."

Taehyung nodded, accepting his answer. His eyes moved to look at his arms, he wondered how much suffering he hadn't been there for his best friend. He was his best friend; Jimin didn't feel like he could come to him so how could he call himself his friend let alone his best friend. In that moment he realized something... he failed at being his friend. That's what sent tears streaming down his cheeks again.

"I'll be back," Taehyung said as he got up and practically ran to the bathroom. Locking the door, he leaned his head against it.

In the privacy of the bathroom he could let the tears roll down his cheeks without worrying to uphold any expectations.

He turned towards the mirror at just looked at himself. He looked wrecked, some of Jimin's blood was still on him and his blood shot eyes didn't help him look anywhere near his normal self.

But what was normal? Truly normal?

Was it lying?

Was it trying to act like your world isn't falling apart and there isn't anything you can do to stop it?

He was so confused about what had happened in the last few hours. He thought everything was fine, that everyone was happy. He couldn't have been more wrong. He sat down on the floor, facing the mirror and that's when it caught his eye. A thin silver blade under the sink.

His chest ached as he though about how much he failed Jimin; his mind was erupting with thoughts and questions he didn't have the answer to. He wanted his mind to shut up and be quiet for once. His mind filled with millions of thoughts was normal, mostly positive once where there with some negative once which he tried to ignore but he couldn't seem to ignore them this time. Without realizing what he was doing he found himself with the blade in his large hands.

If it worked for Jimin, why couldn't it work for him?


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -MAY TRIGGER-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -MAY TRIGGER-

✗ ONE YEAR AGO ✗ 

Blood rolled off his arm and fell into the incredibly white sink. The think red stood out against the white sink as more thick liquid fell into it. There was not just blood in the sink anymore as tears also joined. The tears that landed in the blood made it thin; it moved faster down to the plug hole that would never tell anyone about the broken boy and blood pouring from him.

"What have I done?" He whispered looking down at his arm he just attacked with a shard of broken mirror.

He didn't know what he was doing.

He didn't know what he was thinking.

He guessed he wasn't really thinking he just...acted.

It was just one sharp sting to his finger as he tried to pick up a as shard of mirror. Tears were already flowing out of his eyes before the pain made his mind stop. But seconds later his mind went into its normal frenzy again. It was bursting with all his insecurities and pressure to do better, to be perfect, that just thinking about his imperfections made him want to throw his cell phone at the mirror again in hopes that all the insecurities would stop.

One cut.

It was just one cut.

But then one turned to two and sadly two wasn't enough the make his mind stop. 

How had it come to this? He never thought that he would end up like this, cutting his skin open wasn't something he dreamed of as a child. Nobody dreamed of it, it wasn't planned out.

He turned on the faucet and watched as the liquid turned to a deep red to a watery red. He stuck his arm under the running water, flinching as it invaded his cuts. He closed his eyes and bit his lip, suppressing the pained sounds he was sure to make. He had never experienced this kind of pain before, it shot through him but it also numbed him. It was a strange feeling but he secretly liked it. He liked his brain being quiet for once, but he didn't like the pain he had to cause himself to do that. He didn't like the thought of the scars he knew he would be left with, and for what? For a few seconds of numbness? 

"It won't happen again," Jimin promised himself as he watched the water and blood swirl down the drain.

It was a promise to be broken.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -TRIGGER WARNING-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -TRIGGER WARNING-
> 
> #### To those of you reading this who are suicidal please speak to someone. Life has it's ups and downs but if you push through then life can be amazing and you could have so much happiness in the future. There are good and bad parts in life, it has to equal out somewhere along the lines and if the bad part is now then the good is going to come all you have to do is hold on just a bit longer and wait for the storm to pass
> 
> #### 

✗ PRESENT DAY ✗ 

Taehyung pulled his sleeved down, hoping that nobody would notice his chance in behavior. He had cleaned the blade and placed it back under the sink just incase Jimin remembered there was a blade there and wanted to throw it away. He had to think a lot about what to do with the blade because if Jimin found it he might be too tempted to cut again but if he didn't put it back Jimin might be suspicious and would ask if anyone took the blade. Taehyung could say that he flushed the blade, but Jimin has known him for years and could tell when he was lying.

Taehyung splashed water onto his face to make the tear stains go away, to hide it away like what he did never happened. He looked at his reflection and wondered why it was so easy to hide the pain, all he had to do was get rid of the tear stain and nobody would know he was crying. All he had to do was put on long sleeves and nobody would know he cut. Why was it easy to hide his misery? 

Did Jimin feel like this? Taehyung couldn't stop the question from entering his mind. How many times had Jimin done what he just done? How many times had he stood with a blade in his hand, trying to grasp at that feeling he just experienced? How many times had he ripped his skin apart and he couldn't even tell his best friend?

He wasn't there for Jimin then, but he would be there for him now. He dried his face and the collected the blade from under the sink. Neither of them needed the blade, so he flushed it down the toilet where most of them already where.

He gave himself one last look in the mirror and walked out of the bathroom. When he returned to the others Jimin was crying and everyone else was looking at each other, not sure what to do. Yoongi was debating whether or not to try to calm him down but before he could make a move Taehyung made one.

Taehyung immediately wrapped his arms around his best friend and the looked at the others for them to tell him what happened.

"We just asked a few more questions, then we asked him to show us the cuts," Namjoon said.

Taehyung looked at them, "Why did you ask that?"

"To see how bad they are," Hoseok said.

Taehyung shook his head, "We're going to our room," with that he stood up with Jimin still crying on his sholder and walked to their room. 

Once inside he closed the door and Jimin went to curl up on his bed.

"I'm not going to tell you to show me. Or ask any questions, but if you need to talk to someone about anything then I'm here," Taehyung said.

Jimin looked up from his arms over at where Taehyung was on his own bed and smiled his best face smile.

✗ ONE MONTH LATER ✗ 

Taehyung threw the packet of razer blades into the basket since he had no sharp blades left. When he started he never thought that a cutting session one time would lead to multiple cutting sessions every single day. But somehow it did, things got harder. It got harder to cope with everything and he just needed something to help him, but in reality it only caused more problems for him. He also grabbed a few items the member wanted, payed for them and then left the store.

Taehyung made his way back to the dorm but before he entered he placed the box of blades into his pocket and put a smile onto his face, ready to become to happy person he was suppose to be. 

Placing the bags down on the counter he looked around and realized that nobody was at the dorm. He breathed a sign of relief, already tired of his happy carefree act. Slowly walking to his shared bedroom. There was no energy in his body, this seemed to become a normal thing by now, he never seemed to have any energy to do anything. All he wanted to do was sleep forever, he didn't care he he'd wake up or not.

Jimin seemed to be getting better to everyone else but in reality he was falling apart more than ever. He was still cutting, he just hid the blades where nobody would find them. Jimin didn't want anyone to find out because he couldn't take them all looking at him like he was broken. Instead he kept it a secret, a better secret than last time. He smiled at the members when it was necessary, to avoid them figuring out that he never stopped cutting. 

Right now he was taking a walk in the park, it was cold but he didn't care he liked the feeling of numbness that captured his body when he stayed in the cold weather for too long.

Strong hands suddenly pushed him down onto the frozen mud, Jimin was facing the ground so he tried to turn around and see who was behind him. 

"Turn around and I'll kill you," a rough voice from behind Jimin said.

Jimin like the ground, froze. He began shaking at the threat or was it a promise? When he felt a knife to his stomach, his heart started to pound even more rapidly in his chest. What made his face turn ghostly white was the sound of jeans unzipping.

Jimin returned to the dorm a few hours later, his nails destroyed from clawing at the ground, his jeans covered in substances he doesn't want to think about. His body littered with memories he will never forget. 

Dead eyes looked around the apartment, nobody was there so he went straight for shared his bedroom. 

He needed to get out of his clothes. 

He needed to get out of his skin.

Once he was inside the bedroom he ripped his clothes off and threw them in the garbage bin, wanting them gone as soon as possible. He looked in the mirror and saw the blood and white liquid on his legs. He saw the bruises on his hips which his attacker used to plough into him. 

It disgusted him. He wanted to rip his skin off like he did his clothes, he wanted to wash everything away. He walked over to the bathroom but for some reason it was locked. He knew that everyone else kept their locked as well so he decided to go to the kitchen sink and try his best to wash away the memories. he did his best with a washcloth but he still wasn't satisfied as he still felt dirty and revolting. He quickly went back to his bedroom pulled some random clean clothes and and turned to depose of the sickening clothes when something on the floor caught Jimin's eyes. A blade. He realized he must have dropped it, picking it he decided to cut in the bedroom and hope Taehyung didn't return. He needed something, anything, to take his mind off things. So he sat of the bed and started dragging the blade across his arms. Abruptly he remembered the man's hands all over him and he nearly gagged, he wanted to forget to he pushed the blade harder on his skin.

Blood started pouring out of his arms at an alarming rate, he concluded that he must have cut an artery. If he had done this a few years ago, he would have panicked, but now he didn't. It was torture having his blood spill out of him, this was it. He was finally going to die. He looked towards the bathroom and saw blood pooling outside the door. Think he was hallucinating he turned away but when he heard a silent sob that he recognized as Taehyung's he got up, but soon fell onto the floor as the blood was still coming out of his body.

"Tae?" Jimin asked crawling towards the bathroom door, the amount of lost blood making it impossible to stand, "Are you in there Tae?"

Jimin just managed to open the door and he pulled himself through to see Taehyung will blood firing out of his wrists. Their eyes met and both saw the sorrow in the others eyes.

"No!" Jimin shouted when he looked at the damage his best friend had done, "You need an ambulance."

"Don't call one for me call one for you. I want to die," Taehyung said, noticing that Jimin was bleeding out slower than himself and had a better chance of surviving.

"No you don't," Jimin said tearing up, Jimin pulled himself over to his soulmate and placed a tower over his wrists, "Hold you arms up."

"No, I want to die," Taehyung said, looking Jimin in the eyes.

Jimin saw that he wasn't lying and when Taehyung placed the towel back in his hands, he didn't try to get him to stop the bleeding again. Taehyung's eyes started to droop and Jimin wrapped his arms around him for the last time. Jimin let his eyes flutter close as he laid his head on Taehyung's chest.

The other members of the group were not rehearsing or making music like Jimin and Taehyung would have assumed.

Namjoon and Seokjin sat in front of thin white lines, half of them had already bin snorted but they still wanted more. 

They needed more of the white lines that made them feel more alive than ever before. They tried it one time and they couldn't stop, they didn't try to stop as the liked the feeling too much. It was their own escape and made them feel amazing, free and full of energy. But they also knew that now they couldn't live without it.

Hoseok was sitting at a table, at a illegal gambling game. He'd been doing this for months now and was heavily in debt. He owed thousands but he kept playing as he felt the rush of adrenaline every time the dice was rolled.

Jeongguk was currently his boyfriend's apartment, his secret boyfriend of course. Nobody could know of their relationship. Not even the members.

"It was your fault, you know that don't you?" Jeongguk's partner asked referring to Jeongguk's new bruise on his face. 

"Yes I know," Jeongguk said looking down at the floor, "I'm sorry."

It had started out as a normal and loving relationship, but it soon turned sour as the controlling behavior began and not soon after the first punch had been thrown. Jeongguk decided to end the relationship there but, his partner promised not to do it again. He lied.

Yoongi was at the store, he walked around until he saw the boxes of blades. Nobody had to know that he was relapsing, he could keep it a secret and anyway everyone was focusing on Jimin that nobody would notice or would care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess I can't write any happy stories  
> That is the last chapter!!!! The end of this eight chapter long journey that has had MANY spelling mistakes and a lot of bad topics that society doesn't seem to want to talk about
> 
> #### To those of you reading this who are suicidal please speak to someone. Life has it's ups and downs but if you push through then life can be amazing and you could have so much happiness in the future. There are good and bad parts in life, it has to equal out somewhere along the lines and if the bad part is now then the good is going to come all you have to do is hold on just a bit longer and wait for the storm to pass
> 
> ####  https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ ^^ National Suicide Prevention Lifeline website. I would like to thank everybody who has read this work and left kudos <3 and comments on it, it means a lot :)


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